Nurse Sayings: 20 Hilarious Quotes

NursingApril 11, 2014

Nurse sayings reflect a unique sense of humor. They combine a healthy dose of sarcasm mixed with mentions of bodily functions and fluids. Most nurses really do love their jobs, but poking fun at the daily grind makes the frustration that comes with any job easier to handle. 

Here are some funny nurse sayings that provide insight into the daily life of a nurse:


  1. "Nursing: Where else can you experience the thrill of having total strangers poop in front of you like it's totally your business?"
  2. "Don't mess with me — I get paid to poke people with sharp objects."
  3. "Nursing: Expose yourself to rare, exotic and exciting new diseases!"
  4. "I'm sorry, honey. Mommy is a nurse, so we only go to a doctor if we're dying."
  5. "Be nice to me! I may be your nurse someday, and I'm the one who chooses your catheter size."
  6. "Code Brown does not mean that your patient brought you a box of chocolates." (Code Brown = Patient needs to be cleaned up from their bowel movement.)
  7. "Nursing friendships are a different kind of love; like, 'I'll hold the butt cheeks while you clean the butt crack' kind of love!'
  8. "Remember, I'm a nurse. You're going to have to say a lot to gross me out."
  9. "All bleeding stops ... eventually."
  10. Motorcyclists are typically referred to as "organ donors."
  11. You know you are a nurse when you find yourself betting on someone's blood alcohol content.
  12. What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? "Some butthole has my pen!"
  13. "Why do we have to give change of shift reports at the patients' bedsides? Won't they hear us?"
  14. "Laughter is not the best medicine ... Propofol is!"
  15. "I've come to the realization that I'll touch anything as long as I have gloves on."
  16. "Showering won't be enough today; I'll need to be autoclaved."
  17. "How is it that waitresses refill drinks and get tipped 15%, but I clean up poop, scrub feet, wash hair, provide medicine and keep people alive and still get yelled at?"
  18. "I'm a nurse. I'm here to save your butt, not kiss it."
  19. "You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it."
  20. "Did you want to talk to the Doctor in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

Nurses are well-educated, caring professionals who work hard every day to help complete strangers get better. A good sense of humor is essential for a nurse to accomplish that goal with a smile — even when things get hard to handle.

Photo Source: morgueFile